The Remote to Release New Album

The Remote Announces New Album!
Fresh off the hype of the new BWL cologne release this week comes the welcomed but unexpected announcement of a new album from The Remote That Turns Bad Times Into Cool Times. Speaking from his studio on an island in the middle of the cool times archipelago, The Remote dazzled us with some fast-forward details about his new project entitled, Mobile Ringtones Vol. 1 (Includes the SMASH HIT "Tone 3") - yes that is the whole album title! According to the man himself, the album is a collection of ringtones from old school cell phones reinterpreted with his MAGIC remote. From what we can gather, The Remote played his MAGIC remote which then actually played different mobile phones... which is difficult to wrap your head around but therein lies the MAGIC of The Remote and his ability to turn anything into a cool time. No word was given on when this gem is scheduled to drop on unsuspecting ears. Until then, here is the track list:
1. Tone 1
2. Tone 2
3. Tone 3 (SMASH HIT)
4. Tone 4
5. Tone 5
6. Tone 6
7. Tone 7
8. Bonus Ringtone 

Hitch Endorses Parfum des BWL

Hitch Loves Parfum des BWL!
So much so that he has officially embraced the new line of cologne this week in this new advertisement seen in Florida. Hitch reportedly approached the BWLs and requested a personal scent. Black Jack was the consummation of the agreement. Black Jack is the first of the Parfum line to double up as a shooter (see last post). Black Jack will be on sale as early as next week in fine olfactories world wide. 

Parfum des BWL

World Braces for New Line of Cologne
But many fear that the world is not yet ready. An unnamed BWL spokesperson made a rowdy, viral announcement today via zeppelin banners circulating the world's coolest cities. The banner read like this: "Parfum des BWL : Where no Louis is impossible..." Indeed the new line of scents boasts an unusual egalitarian approach by the ultra exclusive BWLs. Financial analysts attribute the new inclusive campaign to be an unfortunate result of the financial crisis which has affected even the upper echelon of BWLs.

Pictured here is one of many new giant-sized advertisements that have hit the street. "Louis," embodied here by a flat-top clad WASP, will be the most widely made available Parfum and is meant for the hungry, faceless masses. A long and bloody battle was fought between BWL lawyers and Jim Davis in order to use "Garfield at the BBQ" as an association with Parfum des BWL. In the end, the BWLs struck a deal and Garfield is already planning on endorsing future BWL products in the 4th quarter of 2011.

What Is The Secret To BWL Ingenuity?

Lots of rumours are flying around the inter-web-nets about what the composition of each hand-crafted Parfum des BWL consists of. Some of them pretty outrageous! So far the BWLs are pretty re-cock-ulously secretive about their list of ingredients. One unified speculation is that the BWLs have perfected a transfusion process by which the famed trio of "blood, sweat, and tears" are synthesized into the Parfum. Others claim that BBQ sauce, Dr. Pepper, Lone Star Beer and shooters are the chief agents. One thing is clear, some select Parfum des BWL double up as emergency shooters. This has been officially confirmed by the BWLs. No one knows how it will work but the BWLs have promised that with Parfum des BWL you can outsmell the Louis and kick back on a cool times shooter all in one product. The prospect is outrageous and simultaneously thrilling. Can you imagine applying a great smelling cologne and then taking a shot at the same time??? It would be a first.

 














 








Essence of a BWL Revealed

One thing that will come of this new line is a certain exposure to BWL culture that sometimes gets lost in translation or is just concealed. It will be hard for some Louis to understand why a BWL is passionate about slider hamburgers. But then again, the BWLs are first and foremost trend setters. But in order to offset the bandwagon effect, BWLs often pull crass stunts to ward off too many Louis from riding the cool times wave.

The Final Word On Scent?

BWLs have chimed in on a market that nobody could have predicted. Much like Apple's move to the mobile market with the iPhone, Parfum des BWL represents a paradigm shift in the world of manufactured smells. Thousands will gather this Friday at Cocktails and Dreams for the official kick-off party but only a few will get in. Bowtie Louis will be the Master of Ceremonies. The festivities will revolve around a record-spinning dance floor with 360 competitions and shooters galore. See you there?    

BWL Originals

Turning Bad Times Into Cool Times

This original edition BWL, The Remote That Turns Bad Times Into Cool Times, made his name through the decades by finding scenes of bad times and general lameness - dazzling spectators with his MAGIC remote that automatically turned any bad time into a cool time. The Remote, as he is affectionately referred to, tends to be spotted in times of financial recession and worry which usually makes him a welcome addition. When he is not needed, which is almost never, he tends to his burgeoning career as a musician and professional shooter connoisseur.

This BWL Plays Only His Remote!

You may think it is impossible but The Remote has published a little less than 6 full length records using only his trusty MAGIC remote! World favorites include: Surf Into a Pink Lemonade / Electric Shooter (the heady double album - half surf lounge and half BBQ-psychedelia), My Favorite Smash Hits, and I'm the Remote for You <3. Recently, The Remote has abandoned his musical career in favor of his own reality program called Captain Cool Times. In the show, The Remote flies into emergency situations via jetpack or military helicopter to rescue plain folks in desperately bad times. The drama really heats up when Captain Cool Times is charged with the constant nurturing of converting bad times in families that have trouble letting the cool times roll. But no challenge is too big for Captain Cool Times!

More Than a BWL: A Purveyor of Cool

The Remote is many things to many people but most importantly, he is a purveyor of cool times. Recently, The Remote, Hitch and Baby Million Dollars formed a consulting organization dedicated to the spreading of cool times across the globe. Their list of clients is quite impressive including known heads of state, basketball players, scientologists, infants, shop keepers, choosy dames, boat owners, and other non-descript louis. 

Let The Cool Times Roll ... Sort Of ...
ARRRRRGGGHHH!!! Leave it to nature to ruin a perfectly cool time. What am I talking about? I'm talking about the arch nemesis of The Remote: The Remote That Turns Cool Times Into Bad Times!!! Oh lala! This anti-BWL was recently discovered on the dank dance floors of Paris last summer. He is wanted by the United Cool Times Front, a top secret organization of BWLs with super powers.

A Baby Remote? WTF??? OMG!!!
Could there be a Lil' Remote on the way? Spectators and paparazzi seem to think so! Rumor has it, The Remote is planning a high profile pregnancy. The only official details we have is the possible name for the baby: The Remote That Turns Cool Times Into Cooler Times. Is the world ready for such a future BWL??? Stick around and find out, stupid!!!

A Freshly Graduated BWL Needs You!
And we are all quite proud of him, The Remote, yes we are. Send him your appreciation and admiration today by enclosing a blank check made out to The Remote : PO Box 12345 Cool Times, Earth. 

Stay tuned for more BWL Love coming soon!